Aries (March 21 - April 19). Someone said that romance was dead. And I believed it instead of remembering, what my mama told me, let my father mold me, then you tried to hold me. You remind me what they said. This feeling inside, I can't explain. But my love is alive, and I'm never gonna hide it again, Deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, never gonna hide it again. Sweeter and sweeter and sweeter and sweeter. Never gonna have to pretend. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Lance. In bed, your sexual persona is Honeychile Ryder, or ahem, ridehim. Sort it out.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20). Come on girls, do you believe in love? 'Cause I got something to say about it, and it goes something like this: Don't go for second best baby, put your love to the test. You know, you know, you've got to make him express how he feels. And maybe then you'll know your love is real. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Bradford. In bed, your sexual persona is Plenty O'Toole, give it, get it, whatever works. I'm just sayin'. 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20). You don't need diamond rings or eighteen karat gold. Fancy cars that go very fast, you know they never last, no, no. What you need is a big strong hand to lift you to your higher ground. Make you feel like a queen on a throne, make him love you till you can't come down. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Moneesha . In bed, your sexual persona is Mayday, and that's the only word that should make you stop. Bring it.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22). You can turn this world around and bring back all of those happy days. Put your troubles down, it's time to celebrate. Let love shine and we will find, a way to come together, and make things better. We need a holiday. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Latoya. In bed, your sexual persona is Xenia Onatopp. About time, huh? Hmm-mm. 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22).  All you need is your own imagination, so use it that's what it's for (that's what it's for). Go inside, for your finest inspiration, your dreams will open the door (open up the door). It makes no difference if you're black or white, if you're a boy or a girl. If the music's pumping it will give you new life. You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it.  The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Tina. In bed, your sexual persona is Anastasia Beaverhausen, as in, where the beaver lives. You go girl.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21). There is only one man who can lead any workers' regime. He lives for your problems, he shares your ideals and your dream. He supports you, for he loves you, understands you, is one of you. If not, how could he love me? The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Manfred. In bed, your sexual persona is Christmas Jones, but we aren't celebrating virgin births, now are we? Peace. 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19). If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind, when you least expect it, will you try and reject it? If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child, will you let yourself go wild? Let my mouth go where it wants to? Give it up, do as I say. Give it up and let me have my way. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Ursula. In bed, your sexual persona is Pussy Galore, and it's buffet night, baby. Trust.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18).  Never forget who you are, little star. Shining brighter than all the stars in the sky
Never forget how to dream, Butterfly. Never forget where you come from, from love. You are a treasure to me, you are my star. You breathe new life into my broken heart. The stars are agreeable to your requests this week if you secretly refer to yourself as Mariel. In bed, your sexual persona is Holly Goodhead, and good God golly, Holly, is it good. Amen. 

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